January 28, 2022
If being the mother of four has taught me anything, it is that there is no such thing as perfect. The chaos of life is way too big to reign in. When I was younger I thought that, if I practiced enough or if I just tried harder, one day I would “Get There”. I suppose I imagined that “there” was some state of fully realized achievement and perfection.
Oh, boy did I try.
I felt like one of those performers with the plates balancing on a stick. I had so many spinning I didn’t know where to move next. My expectations for myself were sky-high, way beyond the cloud cover. I couldn’t even see their endpoint.
In the end, the only place running on that treadmill got me was to a state of exhaustion.
Thankfully, over time we tend to learn that this mindset is damaging, and we begin to shift. Perhaps understanding how to flow with life’s surprises, its scratches, dents, and its seemingly random twists becomes more palatable with age. We don’t get better at accepting things as they are so much as we simply have to accept them in order to move forward. Or, maybe we learn how to soften and sink into the inherent joy of life through a teacher or friend. Maybe, like me, your kids or spouse have opened your eyes to the truth; The real choice is not whether we work hard enough to make everything in our lives flawless or acquiesce to imperfection. Rather, our choice lies in the quality of experience we work to cultivate in each moment of our lives.
So, these days I try to keep it as real as I can. I try to let go of my attachment to “Perfect” or “Right”. I remind myself to keep joy and tenderness and loving-kindness front and center. I work to speak lovingly to myself when I don’t get it right.
And I fail. A lot.
But, in all of my failures, I also find growth. As I practice moving through the world in a mindful, heart-led way, I see myself becoming more skilled over time. I find moments of clarity where there used to be muddiness. I find softness where the sharp edges once lived. Mindfulness is a practice of letting yourself settle gently into every moment, just as it is. It makes space for us to cultive Loving Presence. With gratitude, I can now witness that same sense of ease and acceptance and joy I am nurturing in myself extend outward to embrace those around me… and I wouldn’t trade that for all the “perfect” in the world. I’ll keep imperfection, and I’ll keep my heart mindful.
I hope you keep yours, too.
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